Saturday, March 18, 2006
Life is complicated
Recently,i feel like a really really tiny person...not physically,but emotionally.Why do i have such a feeling?Deep down inside me,i feel kinda lost and hurt,i am just a person whom is not eye-catching,whom others think that i should be the one letting in to them.Why have i changed into such a person?!I am shocked and surprised....
Was on the way home when i asked lance to call me.I started pouring out all my frustration and complains to him,feeling really very pissed off.Was talking about the past again,while we were in band,how we *my buddies* accomodate each other,helped out each other,be humble and listen to each other's comments and suggestions.Maybe we are more logic thinking,more mature and sensitive to each other's feelings,that we will always come up with a solution or method to things *eg. place to eat,where to go and stuff..* which will satisfy and please everyone.It may just mean that we are a easy-going bunch of friends who do not matter material stuff but cherish the time we have together...But,one thing i am for sure is that they will always listen,open up for suggestions,and accomodate, instead of wanting all of us to follow one person's choice just because she wants it her way..
I can say that i am a person whom enjoys material life,enjoys being served,pampered and often spend a lot on unnecessary things.Who in the world do not yearn for a better life?Must you all treat me as if i were some freak who only know how to spend money that isn't mine?Me having spent loads of time at your so-called "high class places" with my friends bothers you?I seriously do not know why you can make such a fuss about it,making me feel that i am guilty of something...enjoying life is a crime?I beg to differ...
When i am around with my best friends*yihui,aiping,lance,woeilin.........*,i feel totally in place. Feel that i could just lie in their arms and take a rest from pretending to be a "model person".They are always here to pamper me,treat me as if i were a princess,know truly who i am,what i am thinking,even them bullying me,i feel that its a blessing to me.I was known to be a "guai guai" girl before this bunch of people got to know my true self.All of them...i can say all, have said to me that i wasn't the "guai" and quiet person when they first know me,but to say that i am a little devil,always around to bully people especially aiping,and suan people esp yihui and lance.Maybe its just that we've known each other for 4 years...but come to think of it, some people whom i came across in jc really do not know what's life and what lies beneath it.All they could think and see are things which are superficial,for the moment in time only.
I seriously do not know why i have this sudden bad feeling...Joking around is okay to me.I do play and joke too..always teasing people is my forte.But excessive of those jokes really irritates me and make me feel that you all are just some childish people,taking people's flaws to your pleasure.I am sorry that i'm short or fat to some of you...but can you say that its my fault? I do not blame anyone for that.I am proud to be who i am,proud to have friends who will accept me as an individual,not a sidekick or a play-along person.I am sorry if i offended any of you here,but i couldn't hold it to myself any longer... If you think that its funny..well i don't.Please seriously,grow up.
Recently,i feel like a really really tiny person...not physically,but emotionally.Why do i have such a feeling?Deep down inside me,i feel kinda lost and hurt,i am just a person whom is not eye-catching,whom others think that i should be the one letting in to them.Why have i changed into such a person?!I am shocked and surprised....
Was on the way home when i asked lance to call me.I started pouring out all my frustration and complains to him,feeling really very pissed off.Was talking about the past again,while we were in band,how we *my buddies* accomodate each other,helped out each other,be humble and listen to each other's comments and suggestions.Maybe we are more logic thinking,more mature and sensitive to each other's feelings,that we will always come up with a solution or method to things *eg. place to eat,where to go and stuff..* which will satisfy and please everyone.It may just mean that we are a easy-going bunch of friends who do not matter material stuff but cherish the time we have together...But,one thing i am for sure is that they will always listen,open up for suggestions,and accomodate, instead of wanting all of us to follow one person's choice just because she wants it her way..
I can say that i am a person whom enjoys material life,enjoys being served,pampered and often spend a lot on unnecessary things.Who in the world do not yearn for a better life?Must you all treat me as if i were some freak who only know how to spend money that isn't mine?Me having spent loads of time at your so-called "high class places" with my friends bothers you?I seriously do not know why you can make such a fuss about it,making me feel that i am guilty of something...enjoying life is a crime?I beg to differ...
When i am around with my best friends*yihui,aiping,lance,woeilin.........*,i feel totally in place. Feel that i could just lie in their arms and take a rest from pretending to be a "model person".They are always here to pamper me,treat me as if i were a princess,know truly who i am,what i am thinking,even them bullying me,i feel that its a blessing to me.I was known to be a "guai guai" girl before this bunch of people got to know my true self.All of them...i can say all, have said to me that i wasn't the "guai" and quiet person when they first know me,but to say that i am a little devil,always around to bully people especially aiping,and suan people esp yihui and lance.Maybe its just that we've known each other for 4 years...but come to think of it, some people whom i came across in jc really do not know what's life and what lies beneath it.All they could think and see are things which are superficial,for the moment in time only.
I seriously do not know why i have this sudden bad feeling...Joking around is okay to me.I do play and joke too..always teasing people is my forte.But excessive of those jokes really irritates me and make me feel that you all are just some childish people,taking people's flaws to your pleasure.I am sorry that i'm short or fat to some of you...but can you say that its my fault? I do not blame anyone for that.I am proud to be who i am,proud to have friends who will accept me as an individual,not a sidekick or a play-along person.I am sorry if i offended any of you here,but i couldn't hold it to myself any longer... If you think that its funny..well i don't.Please seriously,grow up.
what we could have been, 12:17 AM.